Good Afternoon Everyone,
Life is so chaotic for someone with chronic illness. Then you add three and find yourself drained. The biggest down side is life stops when you feel like a 18 wheeler has hit you repeatedly for hours. These past few weeks, I’ve felt the brunt of my pain. The bed has been my best friend and my safe place.
The impact this has on my life is significant because it can cause a lot of delay and rerouting to find the most comfortable place to complete my task. During these times everything feels like a task and it is hard. Being only 27, it gets hard accepting this as my reality. I’ve shed many tears when it comes to my chronic illnesses. It takes a lot of adapting and rewiring to make life easier.
I do find during my flare ups and heighten pain, I write a lot more. I really think that’s where my best writing comes from lol. No matter how long you deal with a chronic illness, your mind always wonders about the what ifs. What would an alternative reality look and feel like if I were healthier? How would my writing appear? I am grateful I can write and build a community. It affords me the opportunity to make something for myself since my reality looks so different.
I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, it really does take a mental toll on you. It breaks you, changes you, and most of all drains you. All the appointments, test, trail medicines, specialist, money, gadgets, and therapies take a lot of time and patience. Patience that you have to dig deep to find and a schedule that belongs to various doctor offices. I go to about 4 appointments a week.
Writing through these times looks a lot like moving around the house looking for somewhere comfortable. But the reality is nothing is comfortable, even the bed gets hard. I lack sleep, patience, focus, and energy during these times which is hard. The notes app becomes my writing space and the place thats holds my words until I return to “my normal”.
Pen Down,
Allyssa